tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post5546898202542141352..comments2023-10-26T08:35:15.266-06:00Comments on The Oort Cloud: Secret GardenClowncarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02219213001049223673noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-32100935385166174132010-05-13T12:09:08.439-06:002010-05-13T12:09:08.439-06:00Hey, Shimp, thanks for the kind words, and the tho...Hey, Shimp, thanks for the kind words, and the thoughtful comments. I think you are exactly right, that she felt utterly "alien in the land of family structure." Well put. It must seem a terrifying and uncaring universe for her, at times. Of course, it appears that way to all of us at times.<br /><br />As for that taking your kids to the park thing, I understand the "being too busy" excuse, as I am often too busy as well. But the "park is too dangerous" thing makes me angry. I think America is making childhood entirely too safe, and separatimng them from nature, and the rest of humanity, as a consequence.Clowncarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02219213001049223673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-6026528928021315892010-05-13T10:25:07.486-06:002010-05-13T10:25:07.486-06:00Hi Clowncar, I'm going to take your parenting ...Hi Clowncar, I'm going to take your parenting skills as a given, if that's okay. Your children are lucky to have you. <br /><br />The look on the face of the little girl who is a foster child is intriguing, isn't it? I think throughout our lives we search for evidence that we are not alone in this world. Some turn to God, others to volunteering, there are many ways to create that feeling of purpose, unity, and to take away that feeling of being adrift. <br /><br />The thing is, no matter what structure someone comes from, they have many moments in their lives of feeling like an outsider, an alien, an other. <br /><br />I think that little girl just tripped into a moment of otherness. Your children would usually be the aliens to her...those born into a family that stays together, and has structure. That's the kind of alienation she's used to. <br /><br />But then she found out that your children had a similar "from my alien culture" beginning, but still got that structure, the same one the other "with their birth parents", alien-to-her children have. <br /><br />So she was likely having the "why them, and not me?" moment. Not envy, specifically, but that moment that even adults have, wherein we can tell ourselves that no matter our misfortunes it isn't truly about us. That's the truth of the matter, bad luck happens regardless of worth. <br /><br />In the mind of the child, though, they search for the "Why?" and (falsely) conclude,, "Maybe it is me." <br /><br />Maybe what you saw was that feeling of longing to no longer feel like an alien in the land of family structure. <br /><br />And by the way? Your children are lucky to have a dad who will take them to a park, and read under a tree as they play. As for why the park is empty on a beautiful day? Well, I think in a rushed life, it is easy for people to decide, "The park is dangerous, but I have much to do, and cannot find time to sit under a tree and read so that my children can play."Land of shimphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15671954452597068904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-82279980117121355702010-05-11T15:55:34.187-06:002010-05-11T15:55:34.187-06:00Thanks Shayna. I'm a little taken aback every...Thanks Shayna. I'm a little taken aback everyone is seeing this post as a testament to my Dad-ular abilities. I see it as stark evidence of my limitations.Clowncarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02219213001049223673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-73650517785397779332010-05-10T22:16:39.045-06:002010-05-10T22:16:39.045-06:00Your children are GREATLY fortunate that YOU are t...Your children are GREATLY fortunate that YOU are their dad. I love this experience you had and the way in which you described it ...Shaynahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11911153062672567022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-61903205475811261632010-05-10T21:21:22.565-06:002010-05-10T21:21:22.565-06:00Ah, Nance, now you're making me blush.Ah, Nance, now you're making me blush.Clowncarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02219213001049223673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-11295101638310214562010-05-10T20:46:11.216-06:002010-05-10T20:46:11.216-06:00Folks, I've seen Mr. Clowncar in action and he...Folks, I've seen Mr. Clowncar in action and he is an amazing dad, one anybody can look up to. Ms. Clowncar is equally exceptional. They are MY role models.Nancy Dancehallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14169976337329559458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-58003205816241044942010-05-10T20:42:15.892-06:002010-05-10T20:42:15.892-06:00When they get older no doubt they'll begin to ...When they get older no doubt they'll begin to be curious about the biological part. But I'm guessing you've prepared for that.<br /><br />There's the other choice, too, and a legitimate one. To disengage from a biological family and choose "aloneness."Last Tangohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12308607014598725188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-33828899293248874452010-05-10T20:32:40.253-06:002010-05-10T20:32:40.253-06:00p.s. - I'll try not to use profound so many ti...p.s. - I'll try not to use profound so many times in my next comment.Clowncarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02219213001049223673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-52032012158921167572010-05-10T20:31:26.237-06:002010-05-10T20:31:26.237-06:00Me, wise? Please, SA, you have me confused with s...Me, wise? Please, SA, you have me confused with some other car of clowns.<br /><br />Hey, Daisy! I think you get very close to the heart of it, right there, that profound sense of betrayal. No guilt in my own kids that I've seen, no "this is my fault, I wasn't good enough." But there is a profound sense of abandonment, I think. One that is just beginning to manifest itself with behavior issues.Clowncarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02219213001049223673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-10426587959936171442010-05-10T18:42:42.944-06:002010-05-10T18:42:42.944-06:00Seeing it through my own filter of experience (whi...Seeing it through my own filter of experience (which is nothing to do with adoption, but certainly knowledge of the feeling of abandonment) I wonder if it might also be a flicker of that shared sense of betrayal, that a parent could/would/must leave a child. The adopted adults I've know seemed to want to know what the story was and to find some reassurance that it wasn't personal. Just as children of divorce wonder what they did to cause their parents' split, otherwise why (in their minds) did that happen?Sabrahttp://myowntimemachine.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-17334985734404576842010-05-10T17:51:30.490-06:002010-05-10T17:51:30.490-06:00You are very wise. I can just see that look too! ...You are very wise. I can just see that look too! What a blessing that you all have each other now.<br />Hugs<br />SueAnnSueannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05299288406218968621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-42224681694264831402010-05-10T14:52:20.100-06:002010-05-10T14:52:20.100-06:00Well, Gordo, as much as I'd like to take credi...Well, Gordo, as much as I'd like to take credit, it's mostly a matter of recognizing my limitations.<br /><br />Thanks E. Parenthood presents about 100 decisions a day. On a good day I'm batting .500. But thanks.<br /><br />Yeah, Hil, I hope they do too. The eldest seemed a little overwhelmed. I'm wondering if they were newly fostered. <br /><br />A good chance of that, Art. Though at the time I read the look as "this happens to other kids too?"Clowncarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02219213001049223673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-49837237635934685582010-05-10T14:19:09.984-06:002010-05-10T14:19:09.984-06:00I wonder if there was maybe some wonder in those g...I wonder if there was maybe some wonder in those girls' faces - about your daughters somehow having arrived at a more secure place.ArtSparkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04875996639432864367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-49301483549682080472010-05-10T14:11:12.053-06:002010-05-10T14:11:12.053-06:00Your daughters hit the jackpot with their Dad. I h...Your daughters hit the jackpot with their Dad. I hope that these other two sweeties will too.Hilaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12787493532006658679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-86101623492869914292010-05-10T13:48:08.410-06:002010-05-10T13:48:08.410-06:00One reason why, among many, you are a good father....One reason why, among many, you are a good father.Erichttp://www.ericshonkwiler.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8947514984021363360.post-91148012189904355072010-05-10T13:36:21.902-06:002010-05-10T13:36:21.902-06:00The girls are lucky to have found such a wise pare...The girls are lucky to have found such a wise parent. I suspect that too many would rush to try to fill that space.Gordohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07601738885232775770noreply@blogger.com