Friday, May 2, 2008


...will be on Irrelephant's radio show, Sunday, 5 p.m., MST. Listen to us and double the audience! writing this in response to Mona's word of the day, which is "I".

I...used to eat uncooked macaroni as a child. And loved it. Uncooked Minute Rice too.

I...used to have a pet squirrel monkey, ordered from the back pages of Boy's Life for $14.95. We had it for a summer, but it was too stinky and bit my sister and was clearly unhappy. So we gave it to a pet shop. We fed it junk food (M&Ms, Jello, popcicles) all day long, just to watch it eat. Which might have been why it was stinky and bitey and unhappy.

I...have met Richard Nixon (at an airport in Iowa), John Cusack (he bummed a cigarette from me and bought me a beer), either Penn or Teller (the big one that does all the talking; in an elevator), Joan Collins (in an elevator as well, and the scariest looking woman I've ever seen), and Mike Doughty (at a NY Press bash, and I mention it primarily because Mona has a big ol' crush on him).

I...have been in jail three times. First time in Des Moines when a couple friends and I climbed onto the roof of a bar we were all drinking at. Second time in New Orleans during Mardi Gras for throwing beads (yes, everyone does it, but it is apparently a misdemeanor, and they will put you in jail for it). Third time in Hemphill, Texas for "driving funny." Which is not a crime. But we all had long hair, which seems to be a crime in Hemphill, Texas. And, well, yeah, when they searched the car (illegally) they found a shotgun in the trunk that had been sawed off past legal limits. 3 or 4 Tums a day. Not because I have an upset stomach. But because I like the taste.

I...was almost kicked out of Disneyland as a pre-teen. My football team was there as a group, and we were on some jungle boat ride, and started splashing each other. Some guy in a captain suit gave us a stern talking to when we got off the ride.

I...almost never let my kids watch TV, but watch it myself almost every night after they go to bed. II do not feel guilty about this.

I...have dated three women in my life who were self-described witches. All were fairly nice. None of them turned me into a newt (though I did fear one might turn me into a cat).


Nancy Dancehall said...

John Cusack bought me breakfast. He's such a sweetheart.
You met Penn? I am insanely jealous. He's one of the Hounds, you know. When the movie gets made. Yeah.

Irrelephant said...

I, on the other hand, unlike you and Pants, have never met John Cusack. Nor have I met Penn nor his mute friend. I haven't met anyone traveling in those circles, which is sort of sad and mostly okay.

I did tour Angola State Prison one year in college, and that was enough to determine for me that I never EVER want to be on the other side of that fence and razor wire. Nope, not ever. I'm too pretty for jail.

"Double the audience." Nice. *lol*

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Ah, but how do you know you weren't turned into a newt? Do you think you'd know for sure if you were a newt? And besides, there's really nothing wrong with being a Newt...

Irrelephant said...

Virtual penguins!

Jo said...

Wow, you're kind of a bad-ass. The dried macaroni-rice is just short of eating rocks...and now you've moved on to Tums!

Drinking on the roof of a bar makes perfect sense to me.

John Cusack is yummy. I always thought Joan Collins was just the extra skin the alien who wears Michael Jackson occasionally puts on for variety.

Clowncar said...

John Cusack bought you breakfast? When was this? Penn was wearing a leather jacket with very long fringes. We had a lovely little chat about them.

You toured a prison? Why? A band? A play? Career day?

Vanilla one, I beg to differ - I really do think I'd know if I were turned into a newt. The tail, for instance, would be a give-away. As would the sudden fondness for eating insects.

Ex-bad ass, Jo. I'm pretty calm these days. I did once shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

No, wait, that was Johnny Cash, not me.

Joan Collins must have had an inch of make-up on. And a short skirt that revealed legs that seemed to be made of plastic. Like Barbie legs, except they bent at the knee.

Mona Buonanotte said... met BOTH Mike Doughty...AND John Cusack...!?


Can I touch you?

Mother of Invention said...

Interesting "I's"!
You just happened to be the one or with the ones who get caught!

We had a bush baby monkey for a year. They have amazing springs in their hind legs and can cling onto anything...and IN the shower too!

One of my friends from high school married John Irving and my brother-in-law played songs at their wedding. (My only claim to fame!)

Clowncar said...

You can do whatever you want to me, Mona. I'm as easy as a frozen pizza.

Hey, MoI, I figured we had something in common, and now I know what. We've both had pet monkies! What was Irving like? I think he's a wonderful writer. Garp is on my 10 best list. Please, do tell!

Mother of Invention said...

Actually, he's a really nice guy and they have a son, Everet. They live in Manhattan but have an apt in Toronto. He's not tall but extremely handsome! In good shape as he used to do quite a bit of wrestling. My friend, Janet, is tall dark and gorgeous too. She was the editor for his publisher when they met.
I loved Garp and The Cider House Rules.

(Those monkeys drove me nuts sometimes! They have the hugest eyes and loved Jerry Jeff Walker music ..Mr. Bojangles the most! We had to have a mealworm colony in burlap to feed them. When they wanted treats, we fed them Lowney's Glossets!)