Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Missing Hamburger

Had an arduous medical procedure on Monday that I won't mention but which rhymes with "stolonoscopy," and am only now beginning to come out of the drug-induced haze of it all (as opposed to the drug-induced haze of, say, my 20s). The procedure itself was a cakewalk, compared to the heinous liquid I had to drink down at 5 a.m. the day of the surgery. And the fact that I couldn't eat anything at all for 36 hours prior. Nothing but clear liquids.

Luckily, beer is a clear liquid.

I've used that line like 20 times now. It's a good line.


My Dad picked me up afterward, because I wasn't allowed to drive, and took me out to the the Red Top, which makes the best hamburger in the state, if not the world, and I wolfed it down. And have no memory of it. Because of those crazy drugs.

I remember cutting it in half, remember eating the fries, remember snatches of conversation with my Dad, even remember a strip of bacon I pulled out of the cheesy goodness atop the burger. But no actual memory of eating the burger itself.

It's eerie. I've been trying to recapture those lost memories from right after the procedure all day today, and they've gone. Wiped away. It's like that tree falling in a forest thing.

Except with hamburgers.


meno said...

Oh THAT procedure.

Funny, the first thing i ate afterwards was a hamburger too. But i remember mine.

Daisy said...

This is one of the things I fear. I have no one to drive me home. Will they just let me sit there and wait it out? Must I pay some lunatic amount for a suburban cab ride home?

The last time I had a "procedure" my ex-boyfriend (the one with the crazy temper) offered to drive me. It was awkward. Especially as we stopped to pick up lunch at a deli where I nearly passed out, so when he got me home, I said "Bye" and went upstairs to crash. I think he had a haircut to go to, so read a magazine downstairs for awhile and then left.

I was relieved, in my druggy ill haze.

Eric Shonkwiler said...

Made me hungry.

I've been trying to capture that feeling, oddly, the feeling of memory fleeting. It can be a good feeling, sometimes.

Glad you made it out.

Gordo said...

Ooog. I've heard stories. Drug-induced hazes can be fun. Especially with prescribed pharmaceuticals. :-)

Mother of Invention said...

They have to come up with a better test and prep for that one! Been there twice and I'm due to go in Jan. but am doing some serious procrastination!

Hope your bowels were all you hoped they'd be..and more! Hamburger must have been a shock to your food-deprived innards!

Mona Buonanotte said...

I can't wait for my, er, stolonoscopy. Just to get a baseline. Plus I really want to see what my insides look like (they let you look at the video screen, right?).

I think you need another hamburger...to make up for the one you don't remember. Mmmm...hamburger...drooool....

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh no, not that procedure - you poor thing! And I'm with Mona - I think you may well need another hamburger!

gary rith said...

Oh man, hope you feel better!

Nancy Dancehall said...

Hey, you've never taken me there! To the burger joint, not to your colon. Where I've never been either. Ah-hem...ok, moving right along...

I vaguely remember coming out of my last operation trying to talk a nurse out of going to Fiji because of a recent coup. She thought I was still out of it, but another nurse told her that I was right, and she probably SHOULD cancel her trip.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Hope you are feeling better, it's good to be checked out and get your health card punched... but yikes.
Glad your dad fixed it all with treat like that burger.

If you can't remember it, you better go back and get another one, just to make sure.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Irrelephant said...

Oh gods man, I'm sorry. I've endured the same damned thing, and you and I seem to have had the same end-results--the huge gaps in memory, the talking out of my head with complete and utter gravity. The horrid Johnny Go Lightly they make you imbibe, tho mine started the day before and involved 64 ounces of water.

Here's hoping the results are well within normal.

Hilary said...

Drugs never worked for me. I was nothing more than mildly sleepy for a few moment after all was done. Not a fun prep by any means.

I'm snorting at irrelephant's use of "end-results." ;)